Not the good drugs you're all thinking of, unfortunately... but the Cuban mojito's were to die for! Sheldon and I had a fantastically relaxing time in Cuba - just what we both needed to refresh our systems and our relationship. For me it was a final breath of fresh air before re-entering the working world, and for him it was a long-overdo breather after 4 long years of training, and of course a celebration of his new job. It was also a romantic early Christmas gift for the both of us :)
Since I've been off work (and when I've been feeling up to it), I've been using my time to do some serious house hunting. I was hoping to be in a new place before December, since my mortgage was up for renewal anyway and Sheldon's lease at his apartment was up as well. Unfortunately we didn't find a place in time, but we decided to take that big relationship leap anyway and live together in my condo for now (!!!) So not only does he get to cook for me all the time now, but he's lucky enough that I let him give me massages daily as well - haha!
Right now it's a Sunday evening and I've been summoned back to work tomorrow morning at 9am. As I explained before, my doctor and my employers have come up with a "gradual" back to work plan for me. I'll know more about it tomorrow morning once I meet with my managers, but I think it'll entail a part-time office position for the first few weeks, then a Monday-Friday 9-5 thing until I feel ready to start shift work again. I doubt I'll be back to controlling airplanes until the new year. The company and union have been so good to me throughout this whole ordeal... I'll do whatever job makes them happiest.
To be completely honest, I'm very overwhelmed to be going back to work. I've actually been having panic attacks at the thought of it. Ideally, I'd go straight back into controlling since that's where I feel most comfortable, but the shift work is going to be really hard to get back into. I thought I liked the erratic shifts, as I could basically mold my work schedule around anything I had going on in my social life, either day or night, but having 3 solid months off have definitely opened my eyes to the invisible damage it does to your mind, body & soul. Having MS, a disease that comes and goes as it pleases, I'm scared every day that I'll wake up and things will be bad again. Being off has taken a little of that stress away, since I have no where to be, no one to report to, and no one depending on me. Since I've used up all my sick and vacation days now, until I get new stuff on April 1st/12, if I have a bad day between now and then, I have no options... I'll have to take a sick day without pay. That's gonna hurt. I have a lot of anxiety knowing that I have no cushion.
One day at a time, I guess.
As for the 'drugs' in the title of this post, I'm not on any right now. I didn't like my options, as they all have crazy side effects and risks. I talked with my doctor at the last visit regarding this and she was understanding. She gave me information about another drug on the market right now called Gilenya. It's the first ever oral MS drug and it's only to be used if the patient doesn't respond to any first-line therapies, which is my case. I took all the information and have been doing my own research ever since. It's so new that it's actually not carried in pharmacies yet. I agreed to go though all the initial bloodwork screening as we wait, in the event that I pick this drug. I know I had a little rant a couple months back about how I was done with drugs and the poison it puts in your body and how eating healthy is the only way to go, but I've had a semi-little change of heart. I'm not saying I'll be picking a drug and I'm not saying that I won't, but my mind is a little more open. I'm feeling so amazing but I can always easily remember how it feels to be sick. And I don't ever want to get sicker. Are drugs the only way to prevent that? Maybe. Maybe not. That's why my mind is open. More on this topic later.
9pm and time for bed - the earliest I've put myself to bed in 3 months. Wish me luck tomorrow!
H. xo
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