First off, let me start by saying that I hope everybody had a wonderful Christmas holiday, surrounded by family, friends and loved ones, and that the New Year is as refreshing for you all as it is for me.
Speaking of, why is it that a new year is a new sense of optimism for so many? Quite frankly, it's just another day, but for me a new year is like turning a new leaf. It's the hope that this year will be better than the last. It's putting last year in the past, and moving forward with something fresh. Realistically, one should be able to do this any day of the week but I, like many others, need that week-start or year-start to stick to the goals I set for myself... to put the negative of last year in the past and have some hope for a better tomorrow.
So with that being said, I've put off writing this post until this particular day... January 3rd. I didn't write during the holidays, or on the first day of the new year, but I chose today because today is the 4 year anniversary of my life with MS. Four years ago today, I woke just like any other day. I didn't feel any different laying there in my bed, but as I got up to get on with my day, with my new year, I couldn't walk from my bedroom to my living room without toppling over. I looked like I hadn't gotten my sea-legs yet... but the problem was I wasn't on, or even near the ocean!
Four year ago to this very day my life changed. My 'New-Year, Fresh-Start' definitely wasn't turning out like I expected. I think my resolution that year was probably to start eating right or working out more just like every other 23 year old I knew. Little did I know that my life would be very much unlike every other 23 year old I knew.
Fast forward 4 year - 3 relapses - 2 different types of disease-modifying drugs - 1 CCSVI procedure - and many, many tears shed... I'm still commencing this new year with new hope.
As for my condition lately, it's been both up and down. The week between Christmas & New Years was a complete catastrophe. Once again, my symptoms were consistent with my findings that my bad days go through 'cycles'. This time the bad came in the form of spasticity. Spasticity is a problematic symptom that many MS patients encounter quite frequently. This can be in the form of involuntary muscle stiffness, spasms, jerks or twitches. It's can happen to any muscle in the body but most often the legs are affected. I've never had spasticity issues before, but during that week I had extreme contractions in my right thigh muscle. This is worrisome to me for a couple of reasons: first being that it's usually the left side of my body that has symptoms, and secondly, the appearance of a new symptom in general is very displeasing. The contracted muscle was so tight that it could be seen on my thigh and was rock solid to touch. Sheldon spent many hours trying to rub the tight muscle out, to no avail. It was so uncomfortable that I couldn't even sit still without fidgeting, let alone sleep at night. I haven't talked to my neurologist about this new issue but Google says that there are a couple different muscle relaxants that are specific to treating this symptom in MS patients. It went away after about 6 days so I'll put that issue on the back burner until my next appointment, or until it returns... whichever comes first.
I'm up to working 8 hours days this week. It's been a slow process getting back to full-time work but I think the 'gradual back' was a good call on the part of my neurologist. It was also nice that a portion of this process fell over Christmas break. I didn't take any time off and went to work Monday through Thursday, even though no one else was around. It was nice and slow, and very little was expected of me which was perfect during that week of pure agony with my quad muscle.
With the new year off and running, and as I try to get through the darkness of anniversary that comes with today, I leave you with a few fresh words for your day... and possible for your new year:
Hope is looking forward with confidence, even in unsureness.
Hope helps us deal with the unpredictability we must face from time to time in our lives.
Hope stays with us and heartens us when our options appear limited.
Wishing is passive whereas hope takes effort.
Hope remains open to all the possibility, including the possibility that things may turn out other than you imagined and can still be OK.
Hope is not just something you believe in or feel or do. It involves believing and feeling and doing, and much more.
It includes every part of you - your mind, body, heart, and soul.
We hope because it is essential to the quality of our life - as is breath to our existence.
When we hope, we are willing to get up one more time than we fall down.
H.xo
